The hotel wife is a whore. That might be the assumption one would mike about the title of this film. Maybe she is. Is the man also a whore? Are they cheating on their respective spouses? Many people who cheat use hotels, true, but the assumption more than likely made is that the woman is the whore. No thought of the man enters the mind.

The church, my former church, the Catholic church does not hold a very high opinion of women either. They are preoccupied with issues that concern the church as a functioning corporation and not all that much about the true needs of its parishioners. This is my opinion. It was shaped by too many years of being forced to go to church where I was told I was bad and more more than likely end up in hell because I could not possibly measure up to God’s expectations of me. This is powerful stuff to have rammed down your throat every week for over 20 years. Did the church teach me how to treat women? Did the church offer a healthy view on sexual relations? Is it rational to require celibacy on the part of priests? Not to me, no. The church expects you to transcend your humanity and be miserable when you find you can’t do it. You resign yourself to hell and feel horrible when you feel anything sexual. You should only do it when you are married and want to procreate, then it’s back to to kitchen for the wife and the man goes out to retrieve more bacon. Honest communication about what it means to be a true human being with flaws and fears in not something that comes up often in the sermons I heard growing up. It’s all magical thinking and that stuff leads to big trouble. I know because I lived through it. Some people may love the church. That’s great. I hope it brings comfort and solace to the people who need it, but that comfort and solace comes through magical thoughts about what it takes get in to the magical place called Heaven. Life on earth is to be suffered through until you die and your true life begins, with God. No thanks. I want to take care of my friends, family and neighbors in this life. When you die, that’s it.

This experimental film is about all of this in that the Church has made me suffer and drove me insane. Magical thinking lead to massive anxiety and major depression. My mind wanted stasis. It wanted me to stop the racing thought of doom, death and hell that awaited me, but at a young age I was woefully equipped to make that happen. My anxiety produced an obsessive need to wash my hands and a deep fear of contamination though blood and other bodily excretions. By my twenties, I rarely left the house and when I did all I wanted was to get back home. God never helped me. The church never helped me. A doctor helped me. A human doctor told me my OCD was a result of years of unchecked anxiety. She prescribed medication to reduce the anxiety so I could face my fears in a mannered and organized way so the OCD would recede, which it has.

All I want to communicate in all our films is that we should try, especially now, to hate less and listen to each other more. That’s it. People assume things about people different from then, fear sets in about those differences and that quickly turn to rage which then often results in violence. Yeah, it’s a film with a naked women and guitars. Sure. I get it. I am just telling you straight what this and other films about “about.”

I hope it makes you feel something good. I hope it makes you think differently about other people and the assumptions you may make about them. It’s all I can do: hope.

The score was produced by John Lindaman. I met John when Mark Robinson (Unrest) and I were working on the score for our film “The Porn Eaters.” I had made some experimental film shorts for his record that Mark released though his record label. Years went by and I wrote to John again as I had always loved what he did and was never sure why, which is the best way to love something. He agreed to send me something and that something is what you’ll hear when you watch “The Hotel Wife.”

You can purchase the score on Itunes.