me talking about nothing

Everyone has something they feel they must proclaim and more feel a need to blast every utterance and lunch tray photograph across the universe.

I am not sure that anything I have to say is of value to anyone. I just want to talk about the frames and films I have made with other people. I am no technician. I like to feel. To record. To try and sort things out.

To start, I do not know other people very well. I was a shut-in for most of my adult life. I went out very rarely. Nearly everything terrified me. All I wanted to do most was sleep. My anxiety, not a buzzword at the time, was killing me. I drank gallons and smoked endless strings of cigarettes. I had some unresolved PTSD, also not a buzzword at the time. At some point, I started to wash my hands a lot. I guess it must have sent a message that it made me feel better. My hands would get dry, crack and bleed. This made my fear of germs and illness that much greater and the noose tightened. I became fixated on death. I could not handle the idea of losing anyone close to me. My solution was to never let anyone get close. It worked.

I am getting better.

We are social creatures. We need each other or we will die. Try to help each other out. Life can be deeply grim and insulting. If you know a way to do something better. To Help. Do it.

Don't hide your answers.

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